keep going, bow often

remembering who you are

hello, i’m back, and thank you for your patience.

I had never intended to be silent for so long, but sometimes, life has plans all its own. There’s nothing more to say except that since November 5, I’ve needed time to process, turn inward and listen.

For weeks, I have sifted through papers piled on my desk, trying to make sense of something I cannot comprehend, trying to figure out something to say that doesn’t sound trite or merely makes more noise. May I say I will forever be in awe of those who can write through anything—my words, however, felt too rough, too raw, and only meant for me.

Sometimes, not being able to go on is the beginning.

Whether you choose to call it wallowing or wintering, I’ve found this quietude to be essential to sit with what I see. I’ve found great solace in this poem by

Andrea Gibson

:

Instead of Depression
try calling it hibernation.
Imagine the darkness is a cave
in which you will be nurtured
by doing absolutely nothing.
Hibernating animals don’t even dream.
It’s okay if you can’t imagine
Spring. Sleep through the alarm
of the world. Name your hopelessness
a quiet hollow, a place you go
to heal, a den you dug,
Sweetheart, instead
of a grave.

I’m trying to keep it simple, to stay in the moment and never stop looking up at the sky. It helps, but it's not easy because the world is on fire, literally and figuratively; it needs our support as much as we need to continue to give gratitude for all it freely offers.

But maybe that’s the point—to learn to dance with what it calls us to be and to become a better partner along the way. As

Elizabeth Cronise McLaughlin

wrote in her most recent newsletter, when we feel we cannot carry on and burst into tears, it is a sign that our humanity survives.

Keep going. Bow often.

During this time of pause, I have found deep solace in yoga and the act of unrolling my mat—yes, in my role as a teacher, but more so by practicing alongside my fellow students—to be a student amongst students again myself. To be a part of. To be in tru community. Doing so has allowed me to remember the ways yoga, in all its fullness, profoundly changed my life so many years ago. Beginner’s mind.

In the Tantric tradition, there exists the concept of Maya which is often translated as illusion, but as an element of time, and in time, Maya is so much more. Maya is that which obscures just enough of reality to allow another part to come into focus.

It is Maya that keeps us from being bombarded by all sensory, mental, and spiritual information at once in an undifferentiated way—it is why we forget just enough of the taste of our favorite dish to experience the joy when we eat it again. Maya is the gift of true presence, allowing us to focus our attention one tiny taste at a time.

When we find ourselves alone in our darkness, the simple act of unfurling one’s mat in good company and remembering how it offers us another space to write can be powerful. Rather than only focus on what is bleak, we can step into the current of grace and see the Divine in everything. I had forgotten that we had that choice until I heard one of the teachers lead the class in the Anusara invocation, and through my tears I recalled how those words had both saved me and allowed me to fall in love with myself and the world once before.

I bow to the power of Grace

That lives in us as goodness

That is never absent and radiates peace

And lights the way to transformation

As we trudge towards the inevitable inauguration, instead of writing an essay that refuses to be written, I’m sharing a few things I’ve found as food for thought and provided me with sustenance in this silence, as well as a few that have simply made me smile.

Keep going. Bow often.

One more thing: in these times, if you, too, are craving community, keep reading because I’m offering a new workshop on January 26th and reviving my weekly online writing circle, gathering (in grace) notes.

I’ll see you all next Sunday with a new essay, the one I’d rather be writing. Because sometimes you need to let go and begin again.

thanks for being here,

xosew

a few saturday strands on everything and nothing at all

watching

feeling down? Go see Wicked! Twice! In the same day!

Dear Universal Studios, should you decide to drop Part II ahead of schedule, I am onboard.

alternatively, you could binge-watch both seasons of Hulu’s not-exactly-teen-ish-teen-soap-opera Tell Me Lies in less than 48 hours. I promise I won’t tell anyone.

---

(not) watching

Zadie Smith’s stunning essay, “The Dream of the Raised Arm,” about the rise of the state’s propaganda machine in the early thirties in Germany, draws parallels between that time and where we find ourselves today. ¹

I don’t want to believe we are there yet. Still, she makes a convincing argument that the problem is less about the message and more about the megaphone we each carry in our back pockets—the tool that allows us to be products of billionaires in service to their best interests rather than our own, and how we can allow our looking away to be an act of resistance.

In light of the annoying addling chatter, not to mention Meta’s decision to no longer fact-check, I have stopped posting on FB. I was never really on TikTok or Twitter, and I’m staying away from the notes and chat features on Substack. And, while I can’t completely turn off IG due to work, I have set a timer limiting my usage to 15 minutes a day, which is, frankly, still too long to watch videos of other people’s pets when I have two dogs of my own.

I also turned off MSNBC the day after the election. Best.Decision.Ever.

(afraid to) watch

Have you heard the term hypernormalisation? It argues that the perturbation many of us are experiencing is due to our human understanding that the systems we know are failing. However, rather than address this reality, institutions and people in power have chosen to ignore these facts and instead continue to maintain the pretense of a functioning society for their own best interests. If you dare, you can watch Adam Curtis’ 2016 documentary, of the same name, on YouTube..

reading

I loved this interview with Tilda Swinton; reminding me life always comes first, and the work comes out of life

If you have ever been my student, you know how much I adore Consolations: The Solace, Nourishment and Underlying Meaning of Everyday Words by David Whyte. He has published a second volume, Consolations II, which continues to carry me away.

and

my book group just finished reading Rodham by Curtis Sittenfeld. Perhaps even more than when it was first published in 2020, and in light of current events, this book is a powerful reweaving of the fictional and historical, wistfully reimagining what might have happened had Hillary Rodham never married Bill Clinton.

these socks

I mean, seriously, what more is there to say? Sadly, they are currently sold out, but perhaps there’s a waitlist?

learning

In the spirit of studentship and to buoy myself through these next few months, I’m taking a course in nonviolent communication: the yoga of speech, as well as this writing course. Oh, and come spring, I’m participating in a writing retreat on the Isle of Lewis, because as one who facilitates island retreats, I believe it’s high time to experience the magic myself.

finally

If you don’t have time to make these cookies, gooey, fudgy brownie mix cookies are an excellent alternative—I tweaked the original recipe, even so, you probably already have on hand everything that you need.

1. Preheat your oven to 375ºF. To a large bowl, add the 20 oz brownie mix , 1/4 cup all-purpose flour, 1/4 cup olive oil, 2 eggs, 1/2 cup chocolate chips, and (if you have) add a heaping spoonful of black cashew sesame butter. Beat all ingredients with a hand mixer until combined. Note: the brownie mix MUST be 20 oz ~ I use Ghirardelli, sold in bulk at Costco, but if you have something different, see below.²

2. Scoop the dough into balls (approx 2T in size) and place onto baking sheet, lined with parchment paper. Sprinkle the tops with Maldon sea salt flakes, or anything you have. Bake for 8-10 minutes.

3. The cookies are done when the edges are set, but the centers still look doughy. Remove them from the oven and let sit on the baking sheet for 3 minutes, then transfer to a wire rack to cool completely.

last but not least

move over Melissa Clark’s mac and cheese, Eric Kim’s tobiko pasta is my new cozy, comfort food (I’ve unlocked the recipe so no NYT subscription necessary).

UPCOMING EVENTS AND (THREE) WAYS TO BE TOGETHER

Set Your Intention: from breath to pen | January 26, 1-2 pm ET

Last week, I facilitated a writing workshop at Tru Yoga where I teach, which, by the way, just so happened to be named Rochester’s Best Yoga Studio by City Magazine—huzzah!!

We gathered in community to reflect on and close out one year and then set heartfelt intentions, welcoming all that is to come. During the workshop, I mentioned how January can be a long, cold, dark month to begin anything, so rather than commit to anything, I allow myself to pause and fully sit with the intentions I set for 31 days more.

If this resonates with you, if you’re rethinking how you wish to move forward into the new year, or simply want to gather with one another, come light a candle, and let’s write together, January 26, 1-2 pm ET

there is a $5 suggested donation • if you are a paid newsletter subscriber or attended in-person at TRU, I invite you to be my guest.

gathering (in grace) notes returns!

Looking for some butt-in-chair writing accountability? Lord knows I do 🤦‍♀️

Beginning Monday, January 27, 7:30 - 8:30am ET, I’ll be hosting an online writing circle to encourage a creative start to the week. Honestly, I’m doing this more for me than anyone else, but I’d love to have you join me because I know the power of coming together and writing in community.

Each week, you are invited to come as you are. We will greet one another; I will offer a prompt in the chat if you are looking for a way to begin, and then we will write for 60 minutes with our screens on or off—that’s it!

This is a free offering for all. If you find you are attending regularly and ever wish to make a donation in support of maintaining the space, you can always buy me a book.

Register once and the link is yours forever—hope to see you there!!

and … . .. . . …. .

EARLY BIRD REGISTRATION OPENS FEBRUARY 10

Braiding Sweetgrass: Breathing Stories • September 17-21, 2025 • Monhegan, ME

For the fifth year, I invite you to join me for an intimate retreat on island. Our program is an embodied book group, journeying and journaling through the wisdom and words of Robin Wall Kimmerer’s memoir Braiding Sweetgrass with the magic of Monhegan. all the details on my website February 1!

---

Thanks for being here. I’m grateful for your readership. Before you go, would you click the ♥️ or share this post with a friend? You may also restack, leave a comment, or reply via email because it helps others find this newsletter. If you want to see a little more of my island time you can follow me on Instagram, too.

1. For the life of me I can’t figure out how to unlock Zadie Smith’s essay, however you can listen to it on the NYT audio app—search New York Review of Books and it should appear.

2. If your brownie mix is not 20 oz, add enough flour to the brownie mix until it equals 20 ounces. You will STILL need to add the additional 1/4 cup of flour called for in this recipe. That is in addition to the 20 oz dry brownie mix.