these are days of awe

rosh hashanah 5784

My relationship with Judaism began in my late twenties when I was married beneath a chuppah. It’s a complicated story for another day, one I may never fully grasp because how I remember the past may not be the same as others recall it to be. Yet I know both can be true. To this day, I wonder:

Was Judaism a religion I chose or imposed as a condition of my marriage? And when I decided to leave my husband, was I being exiled from the richness I found within the faith or from the family I had discovered that richness within? Each year, the question (re)turns in my mind: past, present, future.

I am Jewish

I am not Jewish

I am Jew-ish

I have come to believe while there was a significant cost to my conversion, it became the power of my transformation—my courage to confront, my crucible to change. It was the price I needed to pay to learn that true love begins with acceptance and the capacity to allow another to be their authentic self. Unconditionally.

This summer was one of personal challenge—hard hits from unexpected places. And yet, it became my resiliency. To get back in my car, to invite my fears closer, and to put them in perspective. Rather than entangle myself in the stories of my rearview mirror, to trust in the safety of the present moment.

As with everything else, I may not have shown up as gracefully as I would have liked, but my messiness is equally a part of me, and so I do my best to treat myself with kindness. So should we all.

Padraig O Tuama wrote of conversion, if it means anything, it means more than one thing. It’s a process, and a conversation. It is an embrace of the possibility of change and future. It is a difficult companion. It is a rewarding companion. It calls us again and again throughout a life.

Rosh Hashanah begins in the blasting of the shofar—an awakening to our self. We celebrate the creation of the world, and it reverberates as a reminder that every day we can’t help but create something.

so, what is it you wish to create?

what will be your relationship to the world?

what will be your conversion?

At Rosh Hashanah we practice teshuvah—a call to repent, but all the more a call to return.

We have the capacity to make mistakes. We have the capacity to make amends. We have the capacity to heal.

I drove myself back to Monhegan.

I am still here.

Today I will walk to Pebble Beach, allowing the path through Catherdral Woods to become my Temple. To consider my journey, to take a stone and cast it into the sea. To practice tashlich. In service, in return, and in repentance to myself and to a world that weeps and bleeds.

Because the healing is in the return, and these are my days of awe.

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UPCOMING ~ SAVE THE DATE!

The Hidden Heart Retreat • February 1-4, 2024 • Finger Lakes, NY

Join Heidi Kroft & Sarah Webb for a weekend of discovery as we listen to our heart whisperings in beauty and bravery through yoga, meditation, and creative journaling.

I recently had the distinction to be interviewed by the marvelous MaryJayne Waddell for her podcast, The Youthful Older Yogi. Listen to our conversation about uniting our passions, finding our core gifts, how retreats and retreating from the daily grind are necessary, and what the heck is narrative medicine all about here. Thanks MJ!!

if you enjoy this newsletter i’d love it if you spread the word or click the ♥️ and leave a comment so we can grow & get to know one another in community. my deepest gratitude to all who are already sharing, liking, recommending, and restacking narrative threads: from breath to pen.